string(7) "m-66998" Burnt Hickory Baptist Church

Sermons

← back to list

Oct 24, 2021

Dedicated to Marriage | The Power of Words

Dedicated to Marriage | The Power of Words

Passage: Proverbs 12:18

Speaker: Ted Lowe

Series: We Are

Category: Sunday Sermons

Keywords: wisdom, sermon, bible, marriage, word, healing, words, bible study, wise words, successful marriage, marriage help, marriage advice, the power of words, motivational, burnt hickory baptist church, power of words, healing words, careless words, we are, happy marriage, burnt hickory worship, burnt hickory baptist church live stream, secrets to a happy marriage, build marriage, secrets of a happy marriage, secrets to a successful marriage, words of wisdom, the power of your words

As we continue our sermon series called, We Are, we look at why we are dedicated to marriages here at Burnt Hickory. Our guest speaker, Ted Lowe, leads us through an informative lesson, as we explore the power of our words not just in marriage, but in all our relationships. Our words can be used to elevate or tear down, and careless words can stab like a sword, but wise words can heal over time. Healing those around us with words will take time, but it’s God’s plan for how we build and maintain our marriage relationship. Also, not speaking and using words can be just as detrimental as using words unwisely. If we take time to apply these ideas, it can lead to healing the hurt with our spouse and it’s the beginning of the success to a happy marriage, a successful marriage. We’ve all had a situation where we allowed our circumstances to affect our words, and we regret what we’ve said. And the wonderful news is that we can bring healing over time with wise words by slowing down and putting others ahead of us. Are there words you’ve used in haste with someone that you now regret? Take time today to begin to make amends with them through statements like, I was wrong, I’m sorry, and I’m proud of you. These simple statements can be the beginning of the healing power of God working in someone’s life who you have stabbed with careless words. There is wisdom in motivational words that are intentionally said to support and build up the person you’re communicating with and there’s a lot of power in those words. As always, you can reach out with any questions about this bible study specifically or what it means to be a Christ follower – www.burnthickory.com/next

Over the last couple of weeks, we've been walking in a series called We Are. And what we've been doing is looking at some of the foundational or some of the baseline truths of who we are as individuals in the Lord, as well as who we are as a church.

We started in the logical place and that I was looking at our identity in Christ. So, we are heirs to the kingdom. We are sons and daughters of the king, and that inspiration should be enough to set us and a trajectory to give our hearts and our lives and everything about us over to the Lord and his will. Last week we looked at not an individual idea, but also a corporate idea, and we looked at this idea of We are the church. We're the called-out church. We are the collection or the body of believers that are serving a common purpose under the banner and the love of Christ. We are the bride of Christ last week, and as a result, just to let you know last week alone, 41 people said yes and joined this church to make it their home. That was incredible. Incredible. Incredible.

This week, we're going to continue in that series and look at this idea that we are created for relationship. We're created to be in relationship. We are created to have a relationship with Christ. But we know there's so many nuances in this relationship. But one of the keys for all of us in this relationship are our words and how powerful our words are.

So, this morning in worship, we have a guest with us. We have a new friend of Burnt Hickory Ted and Nancie Lowe. His bride is with us today as well. And Ted's going to come. He's going to bring us a message this morning of what our words look like. Now they're going to be back with us tonight to celebrate marriage, to look at marriage. But Ted has traveled, has been a part of some of the great churches of America has spent a ton of time looking at what marriage and relationship and family looks like.

So, would you guys do me a big favor and give us a give Ted and Nancie Lowe a hand for being with us this morning? Awesome Well, it is great to be with you guys, and I love it that there's high schoolers and middle schoolers on the front row churches flipped when I was growing up. We always sit in the back and got gotten a lot of trouble, but you guys are obviously love Jesus more than we did. So that's very, very cool. That is very cool. What amazing church you guys have. This place is so awesome. I and you have the whole band and the and the orchestra, and you've got these great aquariums for the drummers. That's cool. Jesus playing guitar. I mean, it is amazing. Sorry, pastor, is that too far? Oh, there you go. That was. He goes, yes. Yes, that that was the line. And you just dance right on over it. five sentences are in. Yeah. Well, I've been working with families for the last couple of decades, and my wife and I have been married for 26 years.

We have four kids ranging in age from eleven to 21, so we're excited to be here because they're not. So that's, I'm teasing, and we love our kids. People say, oh, it goes by so fast, and we say, good, no. My poor kids, they get sacrificed on the altar of comedy so much, but they kind of owe me. But today we're going to take a look at something. A lot of my examples would be the context of marriage, because that's where I spend the majority of my time. But we're going to talk about something that's important for every relationship, every relationship that's important to you, no matter how old you are, no matter how long you been married, or you haven't been married, every one of us, this is one thing that matters to all of us. And this thing is words. Words are a great big deal, and I didn't realize how big of a deal word were until I got married. And I we'd been married about a month, and we had one little, tiny little one bedroom, one bath apartment.

I was getting ready, and our one little mirror and she walks in, and she does that thing that she's been doing to marriage as long as marriage, as long as I've known her, we she'll back herself up to it. She'll spin her head around at 180 degrees and look at the back of herself in the mirror. I call it the owl. I've since learned the owl is followed with a question. For me, this seems to be designed to get me killed. And the question of the day was, do you think these pants look too tight? Well, I was young and stupid and did not listen to the still small voice of Jesus when he whispered to me, Lie. And I said, Yeah, kind of your kind of with the wrong answer. Yeah, kind of led to a lot of tears. In fact, she almost cried at one point it was it was bad. Started to learn that day what I know for certain today after working with families for all these years and being married for a long time. Is it only takes a few words to take our relationships in a direction? We don't want it to go right. Some of you experienced that on the way to church this morning, didn't you? You're coming to learn. Talk about Jesus, and you kind of turned into the devil. Right?

It just takes just a few words. I remember thinking, this is so delicate. Things like this. So, what you're wearing? No, these are my practice clothes when I'm wearing, you know. And then there's those times when we've done something wrong. We can just tell you; you can tell me with your mom or your dad or your spouse, you've done something wrong, and you are finally a couple of days in go, I probably need to ask, you kind of weighed in. Go, Hey. What's wrong and what do they say? Oh, good, I'm with my people. Nothing, which is always followed up with I'm fine. I got a good I'm fine, which we all know translates into something, you're an idiot. It only takes just a few words, and I said this next one once. Mm hmm. I mean, moms, get it here. After all you do and you become the atomic bomb of marriage, that is not fair, accurate but not fair.

Right? Then there's this one. You always you always come home like you always forget to get your things. You always, you are always. You are always. And it's when you never you never do what you say. You never help me around here. You never do your homework. You never, you are never. You are never. It's just those few words in those few moments can be so damaging. What were you thinking? I was ADHD long before it was cool to be anybody. Yeah, my dad. This was the constant thing. What were you thinking? I wasn't. I wasn't thinking anything. If you have ADHD, you have children. That's what's happening. Nothing. They're not thinking right. Maybe that would sting a little bit. Right? And then there's this one.

When you feel like you know something and you say it and your friend or you’re some of your family goes, Are you sure? I'm going to Google that just a few little words for just us married people. This can be damaging. Not tonight. Not this week. Maybe next month, which got going on leap year? Yeah, those are hurtful words, hurtful, hurtful words. Here's what puts us all on the same page. Is this something middle schoolers are going gross. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me, hurt me. Here's what we know to be true is whoever came up with this is to use a biblical term a moron. We know this isn't true. We want it to be true. We tell it to our kids because we want it to protect themselves and somehow give them armor.

Like, don’t let it hurt you. You don't really hurt. Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words are never going to hurt you. It's just not true. It's just not true. We know, for whatever reason, that God has hardwired in us for words to matter. They just matter for whatever reason he did that. Words are a really big deal to God, and he's wired us in such a way. They're a really big deal to us. So, here's the mystery, because we all know this already. Is here's the mystery, why don't we say the things we don't want to say and not say the things we do? Let's just make this super simple. Why don't we say the things we don't want to say and not say the things we do?

I mean, how many times we had those moments when we say that thing? I can't believe I said that. Or you walk away from a conversation with somebody. I can't believe I said that. Or you may. I can't believe I said that again, right? Want to do we, why do we do that? Why are we saying those things that we don't want to say and not saying the things that we do? Because if I were to say to you, do you want to say things to hurt people around you?

You'd say no. If I were to say to you, do you want to say things to them? That's going to bring life to them, that's going to encourage them. You would say yes if I were to say to you at the end of your days when they're talking about you one day and then we're all going to be talking about this one day when it is the end of our days, do we wanted to say that one of the best things about them is they were really great with words. They knew when to hold back and not talk, and they knew when to speak life. Isn't that what we want them to say? Is it that what we want the people closest us to know and to think about us and to feel from us? Then why is it that we find ourselves saying that thing we don't want to say and not say the things that we do? What is going on? Well, here's the thing. I've been studying marriage and relationships for a really long time, and I landed on one verse. And I'll be honest with you, I've been talking about this for years because I hit this one verse.

It's nine words. And I thought, this does it. It actually created this question. This verses where this question comes from, and not only shows you the problem. It shows you the solution in nine words Think about God's economy on that because you can read all the communication books in the world. You can read mountains of content when it comes to communication. At the end of the day, I thought, wow, this verse does it. And it unravels this mystery. It comes from Proverbs twelve, 18 careless words stab like a sword. Now people say, hey, our culture, we've just become too sensitive to words. There's truth to that at the end of the day. We've always been sensitive to words. This is an ancient passage, you guys. This is really, really old.

Obviously, God wired us in a way that when words are careless. It hurts, doesn't it? We know this to be true, don't we? And here's the thing you think about the analogy of this careless words stab like a sword, a stabbing. That's an event. If any of us in this room, God forbid, were to be stabbed, we remember it for the rest of our lives wouldn't we. Why? Because that's an event. And we remember events, especially hurtful ones. When my mom passed away, when I was a little kid, it was ten years old and a couple of weeks after she had passed away, I was at a relative's house and I'd made this big mess in his family room and he walks in, he sees, and he's frustrated he should have ended with a mess, and I started to cry and I run out of the house and he chases after me.

He grabs me, spins me around. He goes, just because your mom died doesn't mean you can cry, about every little thing. Now I got to tell you, I don't remember. You know what, Little League team I was on that year, I don't remember if we were vacation, I don't remember what I got for my birthday, but I remember everything about this day. And the reason I can is because of what he said at the end of it. I can't remember the mess. I can see it. I remember him grabbing me. I could see it. But I remember that because what he said at the end. And what that said to me is, if you're sad about this, that's not OK. You make it a big deal about this. That's not OK. That stabbing was a formative event that no one knew. But the two of us. And here's what I know. That wasn't his intent. He wasn't trying to do that. He didn't wake up. Trying to do that. He had just lost his family member, too. He was hurting, too. He didn't mean to do that, but it happened, and it spoke.

So, here's what I know. What about you? When I tell this story, what's the story, what just pops in your head? What's your version of this? What's your version of this, because I've been doing this message for a while and I'm never surprised anymore when I have people, you know, I've had a lady 75-80 years old told me this story about when she was a little girl, and it was so vivid to her like it happened yesterday. What's the story for you? You feel this and you remember that day. It was an event for you, wasn't it?

You remember. That maybe it was something a coach said about your athletic ability or lack thereof. Maybe something a group of kids said when you're walking down the hall, because I can tell all you students right now to think going. I cannot imagine having to live in the verbal world that you have to live in, the things that you have to hear, the things that people say to you. And it aches, I have teenagers myself and I ache for you that you have to go for that. You have to go with that. So, I love that you're here in the church and you can lean into people that are going to speak something different to you. But there are events that we remember, and they hurt. And so, if you're going to let this hurt, should this have hurt so much? Yes, because careless words stab like a sword. But here's the great news is, well, let me give you the bat a little bit more bad news. first is this what do people say or what do we say after? So, I'm. I didn't mean it. I was just joking. I was just kidding. I was just tired. I was just frustrated. It was just the end of a long day because in their defense, what we're thinking is we want to go, No, no, no, no.

Make a big deal about it. You're making this in a big deal. I mean, it's a big deal. It just came out. But this never fixes anything, does it? No, because the damage, the damage is there. It's great news. There's a comma here to serve a period, because here's the thing, like if you just got here this morning, you went, OK, I'm going to walk out here with the knowledge the god of the Universe has whispered to me that careless words stab like a sword. I'm going to be more careful. That'd be enough. The great thing is there's hope. There's hope in this comma. But wise words lead to healing. Think about God's economy on this for a minute. The very thing that we have used had been used on us to hurt us.

Words is the very thing that God wants to use to heal those around us, in us words. It is God's economy, and if you cut your hand, it heals back. That's an amazing thing. That's an amazing thing. But and here's what hit me. Here's why it hit me that we are not saying the things that we should. A stabbing is an event. Healing is a process. There's a process. It's slow. So, when people say the right things to you are the opposite things to you. And you hear that it doesn't fix it automatically, right? I think about students. I think about you guys and I'm thinking about someone says something hurtful to school and your best friends come back and they say what they say.

That's not true. That's not true. That's not true. It doesn't fix it right then. But boy, it feels good, doesn't it? And it takes a while, and that's when you surround yourself and surround yourself with people who are for you. They're not hurting you that are part of the process of you knowing that you have value. This is a healing is a process. But here's the thing. We're not a culture that's super excited about process. We like things instantly. Don't we? We're the generation that created upgrades, right? Things used to break. And then you got a new one. Now you upgrade because we want things quick. We want them fast. I remember telling my oldest son he was asking, like, what a record was.

And I, you know, when I started explaining it to him, I realized really quickly, I have no idea how it works, but I'm a parent, so I made something up. You know you put the thing on there, the plastic thing, and it spins it around and there's a needle on there and it spins around outcomes. Def Leppard. Google it. Outcomes Def Leppard and he had two questions, one, why can't the leopard hear? And two and two. So, you had to go to the store and buy that? No buddy, music's always dropped from the sky.

But we're not used to that this culture, and we'd like things to go quick. We like we like the process to be quick. And here's the thing, here's the thing that made so much sense. The reason we stop saying this is when we say this to our friends, we say this to our spouse, we say this to our kids when we say the right thing. We don't get a big response. We say the wrong thing. We get a big ole response, right? We say the right thing. We don't get a whole lot of feedback. My wife told me I was the first person to ever tell her she's beautiful and I've told her this for 25. You're so beautiful. So beautiful. You know she does. She says thank you Well, you're so beautiful. Thank you. And what is it or hey it's really important that you know how beautiful you are? Do I need to save it up?

Am I saying it too much? Or she goes, oh no, I love it. Could you alert your face? Why? Because it's a process. It was a somewhat big thing when I said it, once it Oh, I'm totally healed from all that. No, it doesn't work like that. But we tend to because their response isn't big. And it doesn't seem to fix anything. We go, we stop it, guys. I'm going to tell you for the people in our lives we're the worst giving them a nudge to know that what you just said meant a lot to me. Guys, we look, if somebody can say something means the world to us and we go. They don't even get a full Pez, right? We don't give them anything, so they go, oh, he doesn't care words aren't a big deal to him. Trust me, trust me, trust me. Male female words matter. Words just matter so much. So, we have to be slow. This process thing called words of how we talk to each other, we've got to learn how to slow this thing down.

The same part of your brain, check this out. They've done neuroscience on this, and I think it's fascinating. The same part of your brain that's triggered if you were to go and get in your car and there was a bear driving, there's a part of your brain called the amygdala that's triggered as something startles you. Or you put your hand on a stove. You don't go, OK, these hurts. Like what I'm assuming to be the fourth level of Hades, I'm going to pull my hand from it because this is hurting. What do you do? The same here. The brain that makes you jerk your hand back like that. It's the same area of the brain that gets lit up with someone triggers you. You know what else happens? Your frontal lobe, which is where all your logic and reasoning is, goes out to lunch when you say, I just responded in a poor way.

I don't know what I was thinking. It turns out you weren't. You see how this works. It's one that's what's happening, and I just think how brilliant neuroscience is coming out, which is brilliant, and God's given us way to navigate it despite it. So, if you go, why do I say that? That's the neurological reason of why, and there's a better way and the better way is we have got to learn how to be slow. We got to learn how to slow this thing down. Every radio station in the country has a thing called a seven second delay. Have your parents explain what a radio is, a seven second delay that keeps things that are offensive or going on the airwaves. I wish I could install one of those.

Don't you wish you had a seven second margin of error? When you say something, you go, oh, I can take back the last seven seconds. Wouldn't that be great? If we could install one of those, we have to learn how to be slow. We got to learn how to slow this thing down. So, my question is, when do you tend to not be pause enough with your words? Is there a certain time of day? Is there? You know, counselors say it's during times of hot when you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired. When is this time for you, where you tend to go? Oh, I shouldn't have said that, or you find yourself driving away, going, oh, I wish it and said that for me. I learned years ago, it's in the morning.

I am married to a morning person. Pray for me. The alarm goes off at 5:45 and she's like an electric Chihuahua and she's off doing her thing. I need a full hour just to be mad I'm alive, you know, and I have just learned, don't talk, just don't say any words because it doesn't go and, you know, send the kids off to school. And I finally wake up and about, oh, how did that happen? What is this time for you? When I it? Couples, they say they know what time married couples are fighting is when they reconnect at the end of the day. Because I believe they're hungry, angry, lonely, tired, right? When is it what is it for you and starting to identify that this is where I need to be slow? Some of you are going, this is really good news if when I get triggered, I get slow. That is great because when I get mad, I don't talk for weeks. I close down like a Kmart. That's not kind or compassionate. We have to be slow, but we can't be silent. You can't be silent. This closing down Stonewall Inn, that's where excommunicating something and I'm all about people stepping away and letting their frontal lobe come back, taking a breath, asking God where he wants to be in this thing. But you've got to eventually got to come back and we can't be silent. So many people say, oh, I'm just not good with words, and I'll do all the other things I'll provide for the family.

But this words, things really, really complicated for me, and I don't know how to do it, and I'm not going to do it, man. I got to tell you, I talked to men 35, 45, 65, 70 years old who would give anything to have heard or still hear from their dads and what it is with dads. I'm just so proud of you. We crave that. We want that we can't be silent with the good stuff and this the fun stuff, right? The encouraging stuff, even though you don't get a big response. This should be the easy stuff.

This is where we get crazy with post-it notes all over the house where you just you just write down, encourage each other. And if you go, it's hard for me. I was somebody to encourage them. Great. Put it on a post-it note. Put it on an index card. Send it in a text. Just let them know. Just let them know. We can't be silent. And we're got to be smart. Here's what this is not. This isn't flattery. The same book of the Bible that says this verse also says that flattery is evil, and we know it. It is, you know, when someone is just button you up, it feels manipulative. They're wanting something that's not. This is wise. Words lead to healing. And it's speaking specifically where someone's hurt. Wise words lead to healing the right words, speaking it the right thing about the right pain.

Where are the people around you wounded? Where do they wounded, where were they hurt? What's that topic that every time it gets brought up; they overreact? What, what does that topic for them is? Is it finances? Are in-laws? Is it? Is it money? Is it school? Is it parenting? What is that for you? That when somebody brings it up, man, you just have a strong response or the person in your life? That's got this response. You do it because. If you don't know where they're wounded one, you can ask them or I'm going to give you a trick to show you exactly where they're wounded, when someone's reaction doesn't match the situation, it reveals where they are wounded, when someone's reaction does not match the situation. It reveals where their wounded. But here's what we do when somebody we love overreacts about whatever, whatever the topic may be, let's say money. We know they're overreacting. What we tend to do is feel kind of, you know, satisfied by that to go, hey, sometimes I wonder if this is my fault.

But this is their fault. They're acting ridiculous. This look, you're so overreacting. And it kind of feels good because we kind of have this relational clarity that, oh right. This is awesome. They're wrong. And I'm right. But this, if we can be smart, this is where they're telling you that they're hurt. Do you know where people do this really well? You watch people when they have a family member who's physically hurt. When we've got friends who the husband got cancer, when you talk to the wife, she's like a doctor, she knows she knows everything, and you know why. Because she knows if she can figure this out and she can let him know that she's figuring this out. She can advocate for him. She can cheer him on, and he will not feel alone. This is where the relational gold is.

Where's that area where they overreact and how can you say, you know what? I don't. I don't not get this, but I get you. I might not get this, but I love you, and that's where I'm going to pour into.

Students, if your mom and dad have certain issues, you feel like they're overreacting, probably where they're wounded. Parents, if you've got teenagers, they're overreacting it's probably where they're wounded. If you've got parents, somebody at work, this is where they're wounded. This is where they need you to take a breath. This is where they need you to be smart, and this is where they need you to pause, and this is where they need your encouragement. This is where it's needed.

And I think about the body of Christ, and I'm thinking about what relationships and families can do for each other. And I think what could be better than healing each other? And here's the thing even from the wounds we've inflicted, because if you live with somebody for more than 24 hours, you're probably going to inflict some wounds there. Right. Here's the brilliance of their snow. If you're sitting here and you're feeling the guilty of something you said, no one has greater power to heal this than you. Nobody has greater power to heal this than you. Now, here's the great thing for those of you who think words are complicated here. Here's a couple of things that I want you to know. That some of us just need to go back to basics. Please and thank you.

OK, I want to make this. But the cookies on a bottom shelf here, please. Thank you. When couples or families, when we're mad at our family members were mad at somebody at work or whatever, we can get really quiet, can't we? Little curt? You know, I mean, things are a little bit shorter. We can even forget the basics like being kind. Can you please pass me that right? People can get so comfortable with saying whatever they want to say, and we know better at work, right?

Because if we're not controlled with our work, if we're not smart, with our words, slow with our words, if we don't say the things we need to say, it's called a job opening. But at home was so much more hangs in the balance, because here's the thing with our jobs, we're all going to be irrelevant at work one day. Your faster, younger is going to come in and take us right on out. At home, you're never irrelevant. You're never irrelevant. We need to take that with this is our thing, this is our place. We need to create home to be the place where you're safe and the words is so much a part of that.

Catch each other, do it something great. Gets the people you love doing something great and just thanking them. Students, I want to tell you people, you know, the thing I love about students is they believe big things and they go after big things, and they want to change the world. I mean, I feel like I live with four activists at my house. I'm terrified of my kids because they are they. You know what? They are going to change the world or die trying. Right? And I'm telling you. But one of the greatest ministries that you can have right now, if you're a follower of Jesus, is to your parents. They are craving this. Catch them doing something right is a great way to manipulate them, too, by the way. Right?

Catch them doing something right. Who is that person that just needs to hear this from you? Catch them doing something right? Thank them for that. If you're if you're in distress right now in your relationship, find something they're doing great and thank them for this. And no, we're not great doing great, but thank you for going to work every day. I know we're struggling, but thank you for helping to work this out, that you're still in this trying to figure this out. Thank you for what you do with the kids. Thank you for what you do here and there. Thank you. Catch them doing right, these little words. They just matter. People to all relationships are so complicated. No, they're not easy, but they're not complicated. Now dads and husbands.

You're beautiful. Dads and husbands, you're not beautiful. Well, you are, but need to hear this so they don't go somewhere. It's going to get him hurt doing it. We got daughters. Say you're beautiful. I remember my daughter looked at me with time about seven or eight. You, I know I'm beautiful. You know, let's say that. And here's the thing wives, your husband wants to know it just as much. He just wants to hear in a different way. You're not. And here's the great thing with men, we don't have to be hot, but if you tell us we're hot, we'll believe you.

It's really easy. Wives, I've got one littler thing, this just specific for you. OK, I want men it, studies show, are always concerned about providing it doesn't matter what the economy's doing. Does it matter what the job is doing? Doesn't matter. Placement they're always got is low to high grade anxiety and not being able to provide that something's going to happen. So, here's what I want to do. Why put your hands like this? OK. five times this week, I want you to come up behind your husband when you go BAM! You got this. And I mean, light him up and I want one of them to be in the parking lot on the way out to the car. It could be a great evangelistic tool. People driving by going, hey, I'm going to that church. I'm changing churches. I know that's not what you want, pastor, right? But women ask me all the time and I'm a stereotype for just a minute. But I do get this a lot. I wish I knew what he was thinking. He's not. Think of him as a Labrador. You're such a good boy. You are such a good boy. You want a treat? We're easy. But I know, ladies, we don't give you anything back to let you know what you're saying. It's matter. But I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. It just takes a few words to make a huge difference for both men and women. Now how many of you have married to or there's a dreamer at your house?

They always come up with crazy ideas. Hey, let's turn the house into a convertible. Get these in your house! Here's all you say. Wow. Stop. Don't say all the hydraulics of that would be impossible. You do that. Wow. Not how. Here's the thing with this creative types. Our ideas. They're like squirrels. They jump from branch to branch. We don't ever implement anything where you get all worked up. You just go, Wow. Some of you, this was worth coming, I can promise you, right? Well, here's probably two of the most powerful words relationally. I'm sorry. Parents, we know we're going to mess up spouses, we're going to mess up kids, we're going to mess up. Just coming in, just going, I'm sorry. And we've had to apologize to our kids so much.

But you know what, I feel like they're good apologizers. They do get apologies well. We've messed up so many things, but I will say that I feel like we've become a family that just knowing the power of that and just let it be period. I was just saying I was just kidding. No, no. I'm sorry, I hurt you. Boom, seen. Now, if you want to get, you know, extra credit. You're right, and I was wrong. Tim, you're going, Pastor, you've gone too far. That's OK. You can start with I'm sorry, because here's the thing. Sometimes you're right and they're wrong. You still need to say you're sorry. Because regardless of who's right and wrongs, what was right or wrong with your words and how you choose to use them.

That we need to say I'm sorry. I'm so with so much power there, because my parents in here. OK. How many of you have it? Adult children who are parents? How many of you have parents? They need to hear this. You're a great mom, you're a great dad. Because the two-year old don't tell her what to do. I'll tell her I got poopy. That's how that works. I am telling you; I am telling you; I am telling you. It's so powerful to hear this, to hear that your great mom and you're your great dad. It just matters. And then I'm proud of you. See? That's a baby's version of amen. I mean, right? I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. Who in your world needs to hear this if you've got authority at all over anybody, even this much? Tell them you're proud of them. I'm proud of you, and I just I meet so many people would give anything again to hear from their dad, from their friend.

I'm just so proud of you. And you could start with I don't know if I tell you this enough, but I'm proud of you. And here's the thing once again, let's remember. This this takes some vulnerability and someone we're going to say it, and we're not going to get a full Pez. We're not going to may not get anything, but I promise you. These words matter who's that person that needs to hear that from you? That is one I'm glad you're home. So, have you been working more from home and you're not glad they're home again?

Then more time couples are fighting is when they reconnect at the end of the day. What if you made it great? Are you married couples? Here's a little tidbit this week instead of fighting when you get home for the first 30 seconds, I want you to make out unless these people are watching. And then I want you to make up for 60 seconds. That's the way they'll move out is that you gross them out. That's how that works. What if you made that part great? What if you say statistically, this is when couples are fighting, we're going to change that?

This is all about decision. Here's a great thing. We're all big people. We get to make choices. I think sometimes relationally, we feel like we don't get to make a choice. We get to make a choice when we pause, when we go slow, when we're smart, when we don't go silent. We get to make choices that make all the difference in the world. I love you. These are huge words, huge words, and not just that thing you do when you get off the phone. OK. All right. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Love you. No, no. That this like I love you. I love you. If I told you lately that I love you so much. Hear it! Receive it. And if somebody in this room as a result of this little message says something to you that matters to them, receive it.

Receive it because this like relationally ice skating for them. They're trying, receive it, give them, give them a response, but let them know they love you when our kids were little. one of the things we would say to them, we trained them kind of like seals to say, when do I love you? And we got him to say all the time, so I say to you, when do I love you all the time? So, when they were little, they'd say all the time and now they're bigger, they can, they'll say things like when you want to, which hurts a little, but it always comes back to.

It recalibrates us and it recalibrates them that we love them. All the time. So, at the end of the day, the people around us need to know even when we don't agree. Even we don't understand about things that we're not going to understand about them ever. You're not going to resolve that. You love them all the time. Now here's what I know, and I'll close with this. I know for some of you, this pushes some buttons it. For some of you, push the button. I remember when they said that it hurts and you brought it up, thanks, pastor of the brave just one, and now you brought me way down. And I know that. And then I know there are some of you are sitting here and there's a tremendous amount of guilt.

Are you feel like, oh, I'm not slow and oh, I've been so? And you have been tired and it's legitimate and you have all these things are legitimate, but you're feeling that, let me tell you something great. The same relative that said to me, just because your mom died doesn't mean you cry about every little thing. I gave this message in front of him, and he didn't even know it was him. Can I tell you something better? He started walking with Jesus. And it changed him. Do you know who told me that they were proud of me? Him. Do you know who says I am so proud of you for what you guys are doing him? He passed away. This over the last year. And I had so many of his friends come up and say to me.

He took credit for raising you. Have you preached three times to get emotional, Pastor, this is on you? But we come up to me and go. He was so. Proud of you. And his words that lingered. His words, it lingered to people.

They came to me, was healing for my soul like nobody else, so if you've been the one that's inflicted the pain, no one's got greater power to heal it than you, and it is never, ever too late. I wouldn't take anything in the world for his words that he's given me, and it just makes the hurt of hurtful ones. It just makes it that mean even more that he was able to connect with Jesus. And come full circle. So, here's what I pray for you. I don't want you walking out here feeling guilty. Here's what God says to us.

He says my mercies are new every single morning, I love dry erase board. I'm a creative, so I love it. Dry erase board. My favorite thing every day when you wake up your dry erase board. It's clean, we get to start over. That's the way he sees us, and we get to choose something different. We get to say, OK, I'm going to be slow, but I'm not going to be silent and I'm going to be smart. I promise you; I promise you. You apply this passage, and it will manage your relationships. I promise.

Let me pray for you. Lord Jesus, thank you for this church. Thank you for the leadership. The staff. The volunteers, the men and women that were here super early this morning, the men and women who've maybe come here for the first time. People meaning groups, thank you for these students love that. I love that. And God, I pray for their hearts. They have been wounded. They live in a world that wounds them; it hurts them. God, I just pray. Just especially for them. That they would hear your word that you love them all the time. And that this church is here for them. And they're going to be OK. And what you say about them. Is that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. None of us are broke and none of us are jumping on a student. Not a mom, not a dad and a husband and a wife and a brother and a sister, not a grandma, grandpa. None of us are broken. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, in your words, to us. Hmm. You love us. You love us all the time. Was to cling to that word. Let that be the basis of our words. I pray we walk out a little lighter feel, encouraged, empowered. Excited that we can choose to love out words. And I pray all the name of Jesus, amen.

Amen, you know, some mornings are just a huge list of biblical truth, but some mornings it's God taking one message and just saying these matters. So today here's the invitation today, number one, is there forgiveness needed today, somebody that has spoken into your life and your heart, and it's really shaped you because you have never allowed God to bring that forgiveness. That you need to give or maybe today.

You need to just say, hey, Lord, this man, this is something I struggle with today, would you put me on a path to shape my words through your spirit and not through my flesh? I mean, Jesus was really clear when he says our words are really just a reflection of our heart. So, during just the next minute or two of worship. And what business do you just need to do with the Lord in the stillness of this moment? Maybe it's Lord. I'm sorry, man. I have not allowed my words to represent you. Or maybe it's Hey Lord, I'm man, I'm forgiving them of this. Or maybe today yours is different. Maybe today there's something in your life that this week has pointed you towards needing to give your life to the Lord, because ultimately, that's the first word that can shape you.

So, during this time of invitation, I'll invite you if you need to make a decision to give your life to Christ, or maybe you just want somebody to pray over you or with you. And I'll be over here in the front there. There are some other counselors off to the side over here in the next steps room. I just want to encourage you today to get some space and get a moment. Just say, Lord, what is this in my life,

Lord, walk with me. Walk with every person in this room. These next couple of minutes, Jesus, and allow us to see how much our words really do matter. It's in your name. Amen. Let's stand and sing.

Follow Along with the Message

We Are Dedicated to Marriage: The Power of Words

October 24, 2021

Discussion Questions

1. Talk about a time when someone’s words (other than your family’s or friend’s) either built you up or tore you down. What were the long-term effects of those words?

2. Do you tend to respond to conflict by arguing or by giving the silent treatment? What are some of the costs of your approach?

3. What are some reasons we say the things we don’t want to say and don’t say the things we do?

4. Tell your spouse or close family member one thing you admire about him or her. How do you benefit from that quality in your spouse?

5. Under which of the H.A.L.T. conditions (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) are you likely to speak unkind words to those closest to you? What are some things you can do to slow down and avoid saying something you don’t mean?

6. What is one thing you can do this week to speak more positive words?

For the Ride Home

1. What is one thing you wish I’d say to you every day?

2. What is one thing you wish I’d stop saying to you?

Additional Notes

 

Email (To Send Copy of Notes)